D:<
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
fuck you.
idk. it's not so much him that bothers me. i'm used to him acting like this. it's the fact that everybody who's supposed to care about me or take care of me is either abusive, neglectful, enjoys destroying what little feeling of self worth i can ever manage to build up (which actually kinda falls under abusive), or leaves the second things start looking down for me.
every single person. one of my closest friends raped me and i guess yeah it was rape. everybody fucking leaves. they left when i came out and they left when they found out i was a cutter or how much i drink or the second i start to need them.
i dunno. i'm just feeling sorry for myself. i hate feeling sorry for myself. especially because i'm normally the type who just laughs everything off. but it's like i'm just breaking. it's never been so freaking easy to hurt me as it is now.
i guess i deserve this. i deserve this and every bad thing that's happened to me. and i guess it's okay, because one day i'll be able to say that i lived through it. eventually, i'll be okay again.
right?
god im so up and down. a couple of hours ago i felt like complete and utter shit and now i'm like "wtf was i thinking?"
i dunno. :\ i just hate (most) people.
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