i think i'd better find some disbelief to suspend cause i don't wanna feel like this again.

i don't know how i feel.

i'm not sure if i feel a thing.

i'm listening to myself talk, and i sound dead. i look in the mirror and i can't recognize myself anymore. i don't know who i am, how i think, what i look like, what i like and hate or anything. i guess i lost it. myself.

december usually feels like this, i guess.

i took six tylenol last night. not some pathetic suicide attempt, just to get to sleep. i woke up at two in the morning and it felt like someone was stabbing me in the side, and i thought maybe i've done more damage than i thought.

i woke up this morning and i was fine though.

so who knows.

i don't remember my hands being this purple. or being able to see all the tendons and bones.

but i guess a lot of things have changed the last few weeks.

i dunno why i'm writing this. i kind of want someone to care. and then i kind of just wanna be left alone.

goodnight. i'm sorry i'm losing my mind. not that i ever really had it.

i broke.

Sew this up with threads of reason and regret
So I will not forget. I will not forget
How this felt one year six months ago
I know I cannot forget. I cannot forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

I can tell that you don't know me anymore
It's easy to forget, sometimes we just forget
And being on this road is anything but sure
Maybe we'll forget, I hope we don't forget

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that I can share with you

So many nights, legs tangled tight
Wrap me up in a dream with you
Close up these eyes, try not to cry
All that I've got to pull me through is memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you
Memories of you

I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do
Follow me there
A beautiful somewhere
A place that we can share
Falling into memories of you and things we used to do

i broke.

i dunno if it's good or bad. but i sat here sobbing all last night, woke up this morning, thought i'd be okay and now i'm crying again.

i don't even know why.

everything just hit me.

i haven't cried like this in over a year.

i forgot how bad it hurts.