really, when i look back at the past, when all i did was cut when i was like, 11 and i was trying to find why i was so sad, i wanted this. i wanted to be the person i am. i made this.
and you know what? i don't regret it. i don't regret the sex or drugs or the world of self destruction i built for myself, because i wouldn't know what i do now. i got exactly what i wanted, and the allure's gone and i'm sure my body can't take too much more, so it's over. i lived what i wanted and now i need to let it go.
i think it's time to let go and let myself be happy.
i'm not saying i'm going to stop doing drugs, because i'm sure i'm always going to roll a joint or pop some oxy's and enjoy the feelings, but there's more than that. i'm saying that i'm the star and the most important person in my own play, but nobody's watching. nobody cares as much as i do about my sadness, it isn't destroying anyone like it is me, and if i die, i'll just be forgotten.
i'm saying that i've lived to the fullest extend of self destruction, and i'm glad i did, but now it's time to move on and see what else there is to see in the other direction.
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